Navigating Postpartum Parenting: Lessons Learned with My Second Child

Becoming a parent is a magical experience, but it’s also one of the most challenging and overwhelming things you could ever do. Going through it for the first time is always tough, but having a second child can teach you some valuable lessons that can make parenting during postpartum much easier.

Embracing the journey of motherhood with my second child has been a transformative experience, filled with moments of growth, reflection, and pure love.  In this blog post, I am going to share with you the things that made parenting in the postpartum period easier the second time around.

Finding Peace with My Delivery Experience

The most crucial thing that made the second delivery experience different from the first was that I felt empowered this time around. When I had my first baby, I felt I was pushed into having a C-section, but with my second, I was fully supported in actively trying to have a natural birth that ultimately ended up with another caesarean section, but for all the right reasons (more about my VBAC experience can be found here). The difference in mindset was profound and the way I approached my second delivery empowered me as a mother, and it gave me a sense of peace and strength that carried me through the postpartum period.

Sometimes we don’t even realize how much our delivery experience affects us, as well as our baby. It’s an essential part of our journey as new mothers, and it can contribute to our state of mind and actions in postpartum.

Prioritizing Recovery

Another thing that I learned with my second child in those vulnerable days post-birth is the importance of focusing on recovery first.  After delivering David, my firstborn, I insisted on having him with us 24/7 while I could barely move and having my husband changing diapers and burping him even at the hospital. 

This time, I asked them to keep Ana, my second born, in the nursery with the other babies while I focused on recovering and bonding with her through breastfeeding and cuddles. My husband couldn’t even stay with me the whole time as he needed to take care of our son and work.

Allowing myself the space to heal helped me regain my strength and nurture the bond with my baby. It helped me finally truly enjoy this baby period which, unfortunately, I never did as much with my first baby. A mother’s well-being is the foundation for her child’s well-being and taking our physical and mental health seriously is an essential part of motherhood.

Extending Hospital Stay

Hospital stay after a C section in the UAE is two nights, which is nowhere near close enough to recover from a major abdominal surgery and continue caring for a newborn. Everything beyond that is an extra cost.

As my husband and I had no support during the postpartum period with our first child, we were overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted all the while he had to work full time and more. So, this time, he decided to pay for an extra day at the hospital for me to recover a bit more, and it made quite a difference. That way, I was able to rest and get my strength back before heading back home.

Opting for an extra day in the hospital after giving birth made a significant impact on my postpartum recovery. This additional time allowed me to rest, recuperate, and gather the strength needed to transition back home with more confidence and energy. My husband says it was a worthy investment into the physical and mental health of both of us.

Taking a More Relaxed Approach 

First-time moms can be a bit frantic, wanting everything to run perfectly,  just to be slapped with reality realizing that babies don’t follow scripts. I was one of them and that’s ok.  

After already going through all the baby phases, every second baby phase is met with experience on how to deal with it, and knowledge that it’s just a phase that will pass. Knowledge is power, and experience is an additional layer of it.

The overwhelmed energy of a first-time mom gave way to a more relaxed and intuitive approach with my second child. Experience taught me to discern what truly mattered and to let go of the unrealistic expectations that often burden new parents. Ability to prioritize the important from the ‘not so important right now’ is something only experience can teach us. 

Having Help 

Parenting is hard, but parenting without family around is next level hard and all of us living abroad know the struggles very well. Phone calls don’t make dinner and video calls don’t do laundry. Text messages of love and support are beautiful, but they cannot hold the baby while you take a minute to yourself. Parenting abroad means you have to pay for your village, in whichever way you need it. 

Being too stubborn to get help after having my first child because “how can others do it without a nanny” and “why am I less capable than others” left us both in a pretty beaten up shape. I had to rest and breastfeed, but the biggest price was paid by my husband who had to work (from home, but still had to work full time and then some more), cook, change diapers, burp the baby, do laundry and everything in between while running on 3-4 hours of sleep, if that. The fights over who had more or less sleep, the resentment, the overwhelming situations and the lack of sleep took their toll on our marriage. 

When my husband tried to explain to me that my friends are NOT doing it all alone as they have their mothers, mothers-in-law, sisters, cousins, friends and neighbours around to help, even with sending some leftover lunch, I just didn’t see it. My mind was blurred, I was hormonal and I wasn’t thinking straight.

Recognizing the value of help and support after around 9 months, my husband and I did not think twice about getting help during the second postpartum period. Whether it’s assistance with household tasks or the baby, acknowledging our needs and investing in the right support system proved invaluable.

Accepting What Works for Our Family

Lastly, accepting what works for my family, is something that I learned along the way of motherhood. As a new mom, you get a lot of advice, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. Frustration creeps in easily when you’re still trying to figure things out in your new, completely changed life. 

It’s important to find what works best for your baby, you, and your family. Embracing the unique dynamics and needs of our family allowed us to navigate the challenges of parenting with greater ease and confidence, and not be afraid to do things differently.

Conclusion

Each lesson learned with my second child has enriched my journey as a mother, deepening my connection with my children and strengthening our family bond. As we continue to embrace the joys and challenges of parenthood, I am grateful for the growth and resilience that these experiences have cultivated within me.

So, to all the moms out there, I hope my personal experience can offer some compassion, clarity, and inspiration as you navigate your postpartum parenting journey. Remember, it’s not about being perfect or having everything figured out, it’s about cherishing the moments, embracing the ups and downs, and loving your family fiercely.