“First Three Years – ONLY LOVE”

Someone once told me, “First three years – ONLY LOVE!” and I agree with this. However…

Let’s Clear Up the Definition of Love

If LOVE means respect, teaching by example, fostering good habits and manners, setting healthy boundaries, using positive discipline, setting the right base for the future, observing, letting the children discover and develop by doing things themselves, then I’m all about love. And not only for the first three years. The right kind of love should always be present.

For me, love IS NOT just saying “I love you” or giving in to every demand of the child. Love is not: I will let you do whatever you want because I love you, I will do and let you do whatever so you don’t cry, I cannot say NO to you, I will negotiate with you non stop or I will buy you anything and everything to make you happy.

As a parent or guardian, we all want to provide the best for our children and shower them with love. However, it is important to understand what love means and how it should be expressed to children in their early years, especially during the first three years of their lives.

During these first three years, the foundation for our children’s wellbeing and future is set. Research has shown that children who receive positive guidance and healthy boundaries, as well as develop a certain tolerance to frustration, in their early years are more likely to grow up to be happy, healthy, and successful individuals.

Setting Up the Right Foundation Is the Key

When we start building a house, the first and most crucial step is ensuring that the foundation is strong. Without a good foundation, the whole structure, as beautiful as it might be, will crumble sooner or later. Similarly, the first years of a child’s life are critical because they set the foundation for their development. If we want to have well adjusted and happy children, we should start setting the base from the moment they are born. 

My mom always said “What you teach them by the age of three – that’s it. The rest is just building on.” I couldn’t agree more. Maybe I would add ‘until the age of six’ to her definition, because of their beautiful, absorbent mind, but the point is the same. These formative years are when the child’s brain is rapidly developing, and learning comes naturally to them. Many brain researchers confirmed that the period until 3 years of age is crucial for learning on various levels and fields. By setting healthy habits and behaviours at this stage, it will become easier to follow and apply them in the future. 

For example, if we teach our child early that meals are meant to be eaten at the table while sitting down, they will learn this and follow it. If we’re being consistent, they will not have any other option to learn (eat elsewhere, standing, running or being chased around with a spoon). They will test our boundaries constantly, but our job is to stick to them – OUT OF LOVE. In this way, all the future rebellious phases will be short, easily dealt with and phased out because the proper base is already set in their mind. 

Otherwise, if it’s only the wrong kind of “love” for the first three years, we would end up with a confused 3, 4, 5 year old and overwhelmed parents who are all of a sudden trying to teach the child some manners, behaviors and rules that were never there before. Imagine if someone told you now that you can only eat while running and you’ll get punished if you eat sitting at the table – the only way you’ve practiced so far. Not easy, right? 

Some might face family members labeling our children as spoiled – something  people cannot wait to comment on – and making suggestions on how we should handle the challenging situations. Hence, the whole thing gets even worse. Therefore, it is important to follow positive parenting techniques, which will lay a strong foundation and allow for future success in life.

Conclusion

The first three years of a child’s life are crucial for their wellbeing and success. Love is a vital component during this developmental stage, but it should not be confused with letting the child do whatever they want. The way a parent reacts to and interacts with the child are key elements in developing good character. Ways of teaching can include guiding by example, setting boundaries, fostering good habits or manners, using positive discipline (as opposed to punishment) — all these things help instill a strong foundation in the child’s life. 

We shouldn’t start preparing a child for school at the age of five; we should start from the beginning, in the period from birth to three years old.