“First Three Years – ONLY LOVE”

Someone once told me, “First three years – ONLY LOVE!” I agree. However…

Let’s Clear Up the Definition of Love

If LOVE means respect, teaching by example, fostering good habits and manners, setting healthy boundaries, using positive discipline, setting the right base for the future, observing, letting the children discover and develop by doing things themselves, then I’m all about love. And not only love for the first three years. The right kind of love should always be present.

For me, love IS NOT just saying “I love you” or giving in to every child’s demand. Love is not: I will let you do whatever you want because I love you, I will do and let you do whatever so you don’t cry, I cannot say NO to you, I will negotiate with you non-stop, or I will buy you anything and everything to make you happy.

As a parent or guardian, we all want to provide the best for our children and shower them with love. However, it is important to understand what love means and how it should be expressed to children in their early years, especially during the first three years of their lives.

The foundation for our children’s well-being and future is set during these first three years. Research has shown that children who receive positive guidance and healthy boundaries and develop a certain tolerance to frustration in their early years are more likely to grow up to be happy, healthy, and successful individuals.

Setting Up the Right Foundation Is the Key

When building a house, the first and most crucial step is ensuring the foundation is strong. Without a good foundation, the whole structure, as beautiful as it might be, will crumble sooner or later. Similarly, the first years of a child’s life are critical because they set the foundation for their development. If we want to have well-adjusted and happy children, we should start setting the base from the moment they are born and give only love.

My mom always said, “What you teach them by age three – that’s it. The rest is just building on.” I couldn’t agree more. Maybe I would add ‘until the age of six’ to her definition, because of their beautiful, absorbent mind, but the point is the same. The child’s brain rapidly develops during these formative years, and learning comes naturally to them. Many brain researchers confirmed that the period until 3 years of age is crucial for learning on various levels and fields. Setting healthy habits and behaviours at this stage will make it easier to follow and apply them in the future. 

For example, if we teach our child early that meals are meant to be eaten at the table while sitting down, they will learn this and follow it. If we’re being consistent, they will not have any other option to learn (eat elsewhere, standing, running or being chased around with a spoon). They will test our boundaries constantly, but our job is to stick to them—OUT OF only love. In this way, all the future rebellious phases will be short, easily dealt with, and phased out because the proper base is already set in their mind. 

Otherwise, if it’s only the wrong kind of “love” for the first three years, we would end up with a confused 3, 4, 5 year old and overwhelmed parents who are all of a sudden trying to teach the child some manners, behaviors and rules that were never there before. Imagine if someone told you now that you can only eat while running and you’ll get punished if you eat sitting at the table – the only way you’ve practiced so far. Not easy, right? 

Some might face family members labeling our children as spoiled – something  people cannot wait to comment on – and suggesting how to handle the challenging situations. Hence, the whole thing gets even worse. Therefore, it is important to follow positive parenting techniques to lay a strong foundation and allow for future success in life.

Conclusion

The first three years of a child’s life are crucial for their wellbeing and success. only love is a vital component during this developmental stage, but it should not be confused with letting the child do whatever they want. The way a parent reacts to and interacts with the child are key elements in developing good character. Ways of teaching can include guiding by example, setting boundaries, fostering good habits or manners, using positive discipline (as opposed to punishment) — all these things help instil a strong foundation in the child’s life. 

We shouldn’t start preparing a child for school at the age of five; we should start from the beginning, from birth to three years old, giving only love.