Cosleeping vs. Independent Sleeping: Debunking Myths and Exploring Options

The decision of where and how to have your baby sleep is a topic that sparks much debate and discussion among parents. Cosleeping, the practice of having your baby sleep close to you, and independent sleeping, where the baby sleeps in a separate space, each have their own set of benefits and considerations. In this blog post, I will try to share some of my findings on both as well as share my personal experience on deciding what to follow.

Understanding Cosleeping

Cosleeping has been practiced across different cultures for centuries and involves sharing a sleeping space with your baby. This can be achieved either by sharing the same bed or by using a separate sleep surface within arm’s reach. Proponents of cosleeping argue that it fosters a stronger attachment between parent and child, provides easier access for nighttime feedings, and encourages better sleep for both baby and parent.

The Safety Concerns

One of the primary concerns associated with cosleeping is the potential risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and accidental suffocation.The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly recommends room-sharing but discourages bed-sharing due to safety concerns.Official World Health Organization recommendation is also to keep the baby sleeping in their own space, separate from the parent’s bed, without any covers, toys and accessories.

While it is crucial to prioritize the safety of your child, it’s essential to understand that the safety guidelines for cosleeping have evolved over time. Following the latest recommendations from experts can help mitigate risks and make cosleeping a safe sleeping arrangement.

The Importance of Safe Cosleeping Practices

To ensure the safety of your baby during cosleeping, experts suggest adhering to certain guidelines. These include using a firm mattress without any pillows, blankets, or soft bedding, ensuring your baby sleeps on their back, avoiding alcohol, drugs, and smoking, and ensuring there are no gaps or spaces where the baby could become trapped. Some parents use the so-called “baby nest” or “snuggle nest” which is an oval-shaped mattress with soft sides or edges to prevent the baby from rolling out.

Independent Sleeping

On the other side of the spectrum lies independent sleeping, in which babies sleep in a separate space, such as a crib or bassinet. Supporters of independent sleeping argue that it promotes better sleep independence for the child, easier transition to their own sleeping environment in the long run, and reduced risks of accidental suffocation or entrapment.

Considering Your Family’s Needs

Ultimately, the decision between cosleeping and independent sleeping should be based on what works best for your family’s unique circumstances. Factors such as cultural practices, parental comfort levels, breastfeeding, and the baby’s temperament can all influence the choice you make.

Our Experience

During my first pregnancy, my husband and I made the decision to practice independent sleeping as we believed it would be the best fit for our family. Our instincts proved us right. Knowing each other’s habits and beliefs from living together, we were aware that the potential safety concerns of suffocating the baby would cause me to feel anxious and restless. 

Even if it was not always the case, now I am well aware of the fact that human beings, the same as other mammals, have the natural need for attachment and co-sleeping with their parents. If you think of dogs, cats or other mammals, you’ll see that they all sleep together until the babies become more independent. For humans, this process of independence (walking, talking, eating) takes way longer and their attachment needs are bigger. 

However, our personal experience taught us that independent sleeping was the right choice for us.

Despite a few occasions when we did co-sleep due to our son being sick or needing extra care, it became clear that it compromised our sleep. I would doze off but wake up immediately, constantly vigilant to ensure our baby’s safety. In these occasions, I wasn’t getting any sleep.

My husband is a very firm sleeper, meaning he can turn and move his extremities unpredictably. One time, he almost hit the baby across his head while turning. Luckily, as I wasn’t able to sleep, I managed to prevent it. With the limited space in our bed, we would have to twist and turn our body around its own axis without taking much extra space. Imagine what happens with the bed and everyone in it when my husband does so with all his 80 kgs… Considering our circumstances, independent sleeping offered the peace of mind and restful nights we needed.

On the other hand, cosleeping worked beautifully for family members of ours. They were struggling at the beginning, trying to feed the baby every 2 hours as per the recommendations and neither parent was getting enough sleep. The decision to co-sleep brought them much-needed relief and their life changed. They were able to get better rest and continue with work and their daily routines. Not to mention that they genuinely enjoyed the experience. 

It’s a reminder that every family has unique needs and what works for one may not work for another.

A friend of ours was not a fan of cosleeping, but getting up several times a night to attend to the baby and then going to work tired in the morning was worse. Cosleeping was the only way to manage their life and get some sleep despite the previous beliefs she had.

For us, co-sleeping simply wasn’t an option that allowed us and our son to get adequate sleep. Even as he grew older, sharing a room with us led to disruptions as he would wake up, see us, and assume it was playtime. Additionally, my husband’s (not mine, of course!) occasional snoring or any movements in the room would disturb his sleep waking him up.

At 10 months, we made the decision to transition our son to his own room, and it made a significant difference. He was and still is sleeping peacefully through the night, wakes up happy in the morning, and enjoys the quietness of his own space. Some experts might disagree, but this worked for us and our son now goes to sleep happy, waving, blowing kisses and saying buy to us from his bed and then wakes up singing and with the biggest smile on his face. 

This experience highlights the importance of recognizing and respecting the unique needs of each individual and family when it comes to parenting decisions. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and judgment has no place in evaluating someone else’s choices based on our personal perspective.

Blending Both Approaches

It’s important to note that cosleeping and independent sleeping are not mutually exclusive. Many families find it beneficial to combine aspects of both approaches. For example, starting the night with cosleeping for ease of nighttime feedings and then transitioning the baby to a separate sleep space for the rest of the night. Or the other way around – some parents put the baby or a toddler to sleep in their own bed and then the child or the parents transfer them to their bed during the night.

The Evolving Journey of Sleep

It’s crucial to remember that a child’s sleep patterns and preferences change as they grow. What worked for your newborn may not be the best choice as they reach different developmental milestones. Remaining flexible and open to adjusting your approach based on your child’s changing needs is key.

Conclusion

When it comes to the decision between cosleeping and independent sleeping, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. It is essential to stay informed about the latest research and expert recommendations, while also considering your own comfort levels and family dynamics. Ultimately, prioritizing your baby’s safety and well-being should be the guiding principle in choosing the sleeping arrangement that works best for your family. Sleep is extremely important for both children and adults, but not everyone gets proper sleep the same way. Whether you choose cosleeping, independent sleeping, or a blend of both, providing a safe and nurturing environment will ensure a restful night’s sleep for both you and your child.