Five Major Things 2023 Taught Us

As we’re reaching the end of the year, it’s natural to pause and reflect on the journey we’ve embarked upon. 

Looking back, my year was undoubtedly challenging yet immensely rewarding. It encompassed a mixture of fresh mistakes alongside familiar ones, lessons learned and repeated, and moments of joy and happiness that served to balance out the difficulties.

With that in mind, here are the five significant things that stood out to me throughout this year:

1) Being a mom and not having one is a whole different level of sadness. 

Before you became a mother yourself, did it ever occur to you to ask your mom how exactly you acted as a child and uncover the memories of your childhood, right from when you were a tiny baby to the time you took your first steps? Probably not.

After becoming a mother, all these questions start coming up, but with no one to ask. The questions related to baby care, dealing with everyday things and children behaviors, lunches, recipes, advice.. all remain unanswered.

You think of how much she would love these tiny people you created and wonder if she would act differently with them than she did with you.

You realize the importance of grandparents in a child’s life and it breaks you in tiny little pieces every day.

Aching deep within every day is the sadness that comes from being a mom without having one. It’s an experience that touches your soul in a way only you can understand and never manage to explain to others. 

2) It truly takes a village to raise a child. If you don’t have one, hold on tight.

If a saying has been around for that long, it is because it has been proven over and over again. 

If you are a Global Nest Mama who lives abroad, no family members in sight, you know the struggle.

If you have no help in the first year(s) of parenthood, you know the struggle. And I am not talking about partner’s help – your partner is a parent too.

I am talking about the times when the women around you would come together, offering support by delivering meals, tackling household chores, tending to the baby while you caught up on much-needed sleep, or taking care of older siblings. 

Oh, how I wish I lived at that time and had people around me willing to help. It would have made our journey easier and given us some much-needed rest along the way.

3) Parenting all alone should be listed as an extreme sport. It’s extremely challenging mentally, physically and emotionally.

Can we take a moment to appreciate the awe-inspiring task of parenting all alone? 

For the past 2 years since our son was born, we have made a decision to stay in my hometown in Bosnia during the summer. It was mainly because of the hot weather in the UAE and the desire to expose our son to my culture and extended family. Since my husband couldn’t be with us the whole time because of work, I ended up taking care of our son alone… 

Last year, very naively, I thought I would manage spending three months with a 3-6 months old baby all alone. I did manage, but by the end of it, I was completely drained and burned out. 

This year I was more confident, as our son was older, more independent, and a pretty easy going toddler. A week after coming to Bosnia, I found out I was pregnant…  

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we ended up staying for 6 months and I entered the third trimester, surviving single parenthood throughout the pregnancy with all the toddler phases you can imagine and some sickness days. From cooking, cleaning, changing all the diapers, meeting all his needs and all the sleepless sick nights, and everything in between, I feel like I was in a parallel foggy universe and my days were blurred by mechanically doing all the things that needed to be done on a daily basis.

Every time my husband comes and stays for a few days, I wake up with a clearer mind and vision. Let’s just say that right now I am ready to hold onto my husband and never ever let go again.

4) Don’t expect help from anyone if you don’t ask for it. 

I grew up with a single mother as my father passed away when I was 7. I was watching her single-handedly raising four of us, acting as a mother and a father, doing everything by herself and rarely asking for help. And she made it look so normal and easy. 

Because of that, I grew up to be very independent and strong, thinking that I can (and should) do everything by myself. After I got married and had some insane power struggles with my husband, I realized what a useless belief that is! It took my husband quite some time to make me realize that just because I can do something doesn’t mean I have to, as he’s there for me and it’s ok to let him do it.

However, I am still struggling with asking for help when I desperately need some. If it happens that I asked someone for help, it means that I reached and surpassed my limits. It’s one of the things I have been working on for quite some time now, but there’s still a lot of space for progress. Needless to say, that’s not a quality you should have when parenting on your own.

We all know that mothers are stronger than anyone thinks, including themselves. However,  just because we can, it doesn’t mean we should carry the whole burden by ourselves. Asking for help should be normalized more than pretending everything is OK. 

I learned not to expect help from anyone (including family members and close friends) unless I ask for it. I have amazing people around me, but it’s not a given that people around you know what you need and how they can help. Everyone has their own life and problems, no matter how hard it is for you. 

From our perspective, it seems like everyone should know that parenting alone is hard and offer help, but that’s often not the case. Sometimes they don’t know what helps and if they might offend you. 

It would be nice if offering support and opening our hearts to extending a helping hand to those who are parenting alone is normalized. “I’m coming to bring you lunch” goes a long way! Just because they are not asking for help, doesn’t mean they don’t need it badly! 

5) If you live in peace and safety, with a roof over your head, family and food – you’re among the wealthy and the lucky ones. 

As I observe the bad, sad, and ugly events unfolding around the globe, I can’t help but feel profound gratitude for the stability and security in my own life. It’s important to acknowledge the blessings we have amidst the chaos and hardships prevalent worldwide.

One of the most unsettling realizations I’ve had is that there are very mean and powerful individuals out there who possess the capability to strip us of everything we hold dear with one simple command. It’s a frightening thought that if they can benefit from our misery, they will do it in a heartbeat. 

It’s easy to forget that there are people who don’t have the same opportunities and resources as we do. It’s easy to forget that there are individuals who are forced into situations where they must make difficult choices in order to survive. It’s easy to forget that there are people who live in constant fear for their lives, their families’ lives and the lives of those around them.

In a world where humanity constantly balances on a delicate scale, it becomes crucial to appreciate and safeguard the privileges and comforts we often take for granted. The fact that I can go to sleep at night knowing that my family is safe, that my home is secure and that I have access to clean water and food are all things that many people around the world cannot say.

I am grateful to be safe, have a healthy family, carefree children and all our needs met. I am grateful for the freedom to express myself and the ability to pursue my passions. I am grateful for the ability to travel freely without fear of violence or oppression. I am grateful to have three different countries I can call home. What else is there to wish for?